A ranty, funny, dead-serious intersectional feminist blog.

Desperately Seeking…Something

Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan

Susan…just in case.

After the events of yesterday, I thought we could all use some lighter fare. Love ya.

For months now I’ve watched as search terms and phrases appear on my WordPress stats page and I find myself alternately giggling, smiling, squinting, frowning, boggling, rolling my eyes, exclaiming my horror, and sometimes even feeling a little bit sorry people didn’t find what they were looking for. If you blog or run a website, you’ll know just what I mean. The search terms section of stats can be a useful way of showing you how your audience is finding you–but it’s also a stark revelation that some people trip over your site looking for something else entirely.

Here we see a list of expected (or at least unsurprising) terms and phrases all the way up to the last:

Click to enlarge.

Most surprising to me was not that the phrase appeared, but that during the specified time period FOURTEEN PEOPLE found this site looking not just for “ass” but… Well, I’m sorry, fourteen people. This is not where we keep all the ass. But I got you this:

This isn’t ALL of it, but it’s the best I could do.

I’m going to skip some of the most offensive/ugly phrases for now, because this is for fun, but trust me–they get pretty bad. (Though, not as bad as the ones I got on my much more polite blog about my sponsored kids. That was some sick shit.)

“her ass”

I can only assume WordPress directed them here believing they’d misspelled “harass.” How disappointing that must have been for…let’s see…SEVEN PEOPLE! Seven people, I refer you to the image above. One of those is bound to be female.

“jennifer jason leigh legs”

Not the person, just the legs. These three were probably not looking for a post about unshaven woman legs. Or maybe they were. Maybe someone told them, “Hey, I read a great blog post the other day about unshaven legs nightmares. It had a pic of JJL in it. You should totally Google it!” Three times. I Googled “jennifer jason leigh legs” and mostly what I got is a lot of “THIS SITE MAY BE HARMFUL TO YOUR COMPUTER!” And this:

Truly? This is a thing?

“sammich rosie”

Hey, that’s me! These people may actually have found what they were after. I’m sure they’ll let me know if they didn’t.

“pork rinds of the month”

Are there PORK RINDS of the MONTH? Why didn’t anyone tell me this? There really aren’t, right? This person searched from their phone using their butt as a stylus.

“treehugger”

Me, again!

“drunk hugging a tree”

’nuff said.

Could it be…Cindy Bear?

“yogi bear’s girlfriend’s name”

Does anybody know this one? I mean in case this person comes back. It might be important.

“why do some people say sammich instead of sandwich”

These two unfortunate souls have obviously never tried saying “sammich” out loud. (It’s ok that you just did. Everyone should.)

“stephen colbert doritos”

New flavor!

“dill mustache”

The name of my next band.

“creepy girl cheese”

#WINNING

“when a wife is rebellious to her husband”

New hit song by Percy Sledge! “When a wiiiife’s rebellllious to ‘er husband/Can’t keep her mind on makin’ dinner…”

Your wish is my command!

Your wish is my command!

“de-tachable boob-ies”

That’s right, people. Sing it with me.

“political correctness for a woman to make a sandwich feminism”

Of course, there are many variations on “make me a sammich” and “sammich meme” and “woman sammich” and “woman slap sammich” and fun stuff like that. But this actually seems to be a query as to what might be the politically correct (according to feminists) way to ask a woman to make you a sammich. In case this person comes back, I’m going to go with, “Hey, do you feel like making me a sammich?” or “I love your sammiches. Will you please make me one?” <–helpful

“jack nicholson not giving a fuck”

Now, THESE folks got what they came for. You’re welcome.

He really doesn't.

He really doesn’t.

That’s all for now, folks. May your search terms always yield the results you seek.

Love,

Rosie

17 responses

  1. I really love your blog! it makes me smile a bit! :D

    March 25, 2013 at 3:28 am

    • Thanks! I’m glad you found your way here. :)

      March 25, 2013 at 7:39 am

  2. My worst was Fat Naked Latino Couple. The worst part was I googled Fat Naked Latino Couple and a picture of me, fully clothed, was the 4th image! I had tagged the picture ” a fat happy couple” and bam! Suddenly I am also a naked latino.

    December 28, 2012 at 4:08 am

  3. Leah

    I get a lot of hits for AKB48 (Japanese musical group with 48 female members, kind of problematic) and “lesbian” or “sexuality” since I wrote about their homosocial erotic music videos as problematic (read: female sexuality is for men’s pleasure, not women’s). HOPE YOU ENJOY THE FEMINIST ANALYSIS, SEARCHERS.

    December 27, 2012 at 1:24 am

  4. Haaa.. He looks like my Boss. Steve! :)

    December 19, 2012 at 7:55 pm

  5. I never really checked the search terms on my blog before, this made me have to go look. Sadly mine are all relative to my posts but, I’m still semi-new in these parts hopefully the search terms will get more interesting! ;)

    December 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    • You can only hope! ;)

      December 17, 2012 at 9:39 pm

  6. Hey, it’s the season of giving, as if that needed a season, and you have given. You gave searchers what they were seeking, and gave me a number of much-needed laughs. Thanks!

    December 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

  7. I wrote about this as well, with less fun pictures.

    http://confessionsofalatteliberal.wordpress.com/2012/11/18/the-things-we-google/

    December 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    • Very good post. I’m going to have to write about that word sometime soon.

      December 15, 2012 at 7:47 pm

  8. Those are some interesting search phrases. I was referred by a friend from a Facebook repost.
    And its been a great ride ever since!
    <3
    L

    December 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    • So glad you found your way here! <3

      December 15, 2012 at 6:35 pm

  9. Wow. Glad to know I’m not alone in all of the weird, porn-related searches I get which somehow bring people to my blog… in my case it’s usually about “sexy video game girls” and “nude mods” but the idea is the same. Maybe I should make a post like you have so these folks have some pictures to look at next time they visit me. XD

    December 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    • It was a fun exercise. And a much-needed distraction. :)

      December 15, 2012 at 6:12 pm

  10. yourothermotherhere

    Yogi Bear’s girlfriend’s name was Cindy.

    December 15, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    • I thought that might be it. :)

      December 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Chime in:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,995 other followers