After the events of yesterday, I thought we could all use some lighter fare. Love ya.
For months now I’ve watched as search terms and phrases appear on my WordPress stats page and I find myself alternately giggling, smiling, squinting, frowning, boggling, rolling my eyes, exclaiming my horror, and sometimes even feeling a little bit sorry people didn’t find what they were looking for. If you blog or run a website, you’ll know just what I mean. The search terms section of stats can be a useful way of showing you how your audience is finding you–but it’s also a stark revelation that some people trip over your site looking for something else entirely.
Here we see a list of expected (or at least unsurprising) terms and phrases all the way up to the last:
Most surprising to me was not that the phrase appeared, but that during the specified time period FOURTEEN PEOPLE found this site looking not just for “ass” but… Well, I’m sorry, fourteen people. This is not where we keep all the ass. But I got you this:
I’m going to skip some of the most offensive/ugly phrases for now, because this is for fun, but trust me–they get pretty bad. (Though, not as bad as the ones I got on my much more polite blog about my sponsored kids. That was some sick shit.)
I can only assume WordPress directed them here believing they’d misspelled “harass.” How disappointing that must have been for…let’s see…SEVEN PEOPLE! Seven people, I refer you to the image above. One of those is bound to be female.
These searchers very likely found themselves staring at Caitlin Moran, and I can only imagine they were frustrated–at least temporarily–in their quest.
“jennifer jason leigh legs”
Not the person, just the legs. These three were probably not looking for a post about unshaven woman legs. Or maybe they were. Maybe someone told them, “Hey, I read a great blog post the other day about unshaven legs nightmares. It had a pic of JJL in it. You should totally Google it!” Three times. I Googled “jennifer jason leigh legs” and mostly what I got is a lot of “THIS SITE MAY BE HARMFUL TO YOUR COMPUTER!” And this:
Hey, that’s me! These people may actually have found what they were after. I’m sure they’ll let me know if they didn’t.
“pork rinds of the month”
Are there PORK RINDS of the MONTH? Why didn’t anyone tell me this? There really aren’t, right? This person searched from their phone using their butt as a stylus.
“drunk hugging a tree”
“yogi bear’s girlfriend’s name”
Does anybody know this one? I mean in case this person comes back. It might be important.
“why do some people say sammich instead of sandwich”
These two unfortunate souls have obviously never tried saying “sammich” out loud. (It’s ok that you just did. Everyone should.)
“stephen colbert doritos”
The name of my next band.
“h0w one lady f**k with two boys and appear as sandwitch”
Ok, I said I’d leave out the worst of them, and trust me, I have, but you see what I deal with here? Do you see?
“creepy girl cheese”
“when a wife is rebellious to her husband”
New hit song by Percy Sledge! “When a wiiiife’s rebellllious to ‘er husband/Can’t keep her mind on makin’ dinner…”
That’s right, people. Sing it with me.
“political correctness for a woman to make a sandwich feminism”
Of course, there are many variations on “make me a sammich” and “sammich meme” and “woman sammich” and “woman slap sammich” and fun stuff like that. But this actually seems to be a query as to what might be the politically correct (according to feminists) way to ask a woman to make you a sammich. In case this person comes back, I’m going to go with, “Hey, do you feel like making me a sammich?” or “I love your sammiches. Will you please make me one?” <–helpful
“jack nicholson not giving a fuck”
Now, THESE folks got what they came for. You’re welcome.
That’s all for now, folks. May your search terms always yield the results you seek.